Fostering Tea Session Sept 2022 (Amy and Victor)

 

Below is a summary of the sharing by Amy at the Fostering Tea Session with Boys' Town Fostering Services on 24 September 2022.

Amy and Victor

Amy was given an opportunity to host foster parents at one of the events organized by her workplace. It was truly a memorable and eye-opening experience for her to hear the heartwarming stories of the foster parents as they shared with Amy and one another their fostering journeys. One of the foster parents commented that “If there is a room in your heart to foster, you will create space in your house to foster.”

“It was very touching to see a foster parent taking care of a foster child with severe disabilities, feeding and attending to the child.” Amy shared. This is not the first occasion that Amy was exposed to the world of fostering. At work, Amy had a prayer group with colleagues who are also foster parents. This was the push she needed to talk about fostering a child with her husband, Victor.

Victor had initial apprehension about fostering and voiced two practical considerations – the couple’s demanding jobs and the lack of help. Sometime later, Victor unexpectedly brought up the topic of fostering while driving, and acknowledged the possibility with a few recommendations – hiring a helper, getting buy-in from immediate family and ensuring their home is child friendly.

In the beginning, Amy and Victor were uncertain about raising a foster child, since they are not parents themselves. In the end, the key turning point that made Amy and Victor motivated to foster is a belief that it is a calling to help and give vulnerable children a safe environment and to show them love.

The Big Day

Amy fondly recalled the first day when they received “Charlene”, a 6-year-old girl, who loved Frozen. She recalled picking Charlene up, with only a small bag of clothes, one stuffed toy and a pair of sandals on her feet.

“She did not know her own birthday when she came into my care, which made me wonder how she celebrated her birthday in the last 5 years of her life.” Amy recollected. Therefore, Amy was determined to throw a birthday party for Charlene’s 6th birthday, in which Charlene was also involved in packing the goodie bags for her friends. Recalling her fondest memory with Charlene, Amy shared an anecdote of watching Frozen II in the Cinema with Charlene. “She was a big fan of Frozen, so when Frozen ll was released in the cinemas, I dressed her up as Elsa, even including details such as the gloves.” Amy recounted. Charlene was completely thrilled and beaming all the way.

It’s not always rainbows and butterflies; Amy recalled a challenge that she faced while caring for Charlene. She found out that Charlene had coloured her bedsheets with a green marker, which Charlene denied. Amy shared that Charlene was afraid of being punished for colouring the bedsheets, thus she decided to lie about having done it. Although, it was difficult to discuss Charlene’s behaviour, Amy felt that it was important to educate Charlene about the significance of telling the truth.

Amy shared that reaching out to her social worker for support and help was useful too. The foundational training that she and Victor attended also significantly benefitted both of them. It helped them to see through the eyes of the child who is in foster care. Furthermore, Amy also recounted people in her life that helped her through her fostering journey; Home For Good was one notable group of like-minded individuals who supported her.

“Charlene used to think that love was conditional. During the last few days leading up to her reintegration back to her family, Charlene told Amy that she knew that Amy would still love her after she was reintegrated. It was at this juncture that Amy realised that Charlene had finally understood the concept of love and family, and she felt so proud of Charlene.

Amy said that when Charlene went home, she went from one small bag to two medium-sized luggage and everyone was shocked at the number of items she has. In their care, she had received many presents from Amy’s family members and friends during her birthday and Christmas. Amy added that it was also tough for her to let go of Charlene for reintegration. Amy shared that she had to process her own feelings of loss about Charlene returning home, but she is also contented and happy that Charlene was able to be reintegrated back with her family. The natural family expressed their gratitude and thanked Amy and Victor for taking care of Charlene.

Important Ingredients Required for Fostering

“The important ingredients required include unconditional love for your foster child. Being resilient when you feel challenged and attuned to the child’s needs. Having patience is also important, especially for Charlene who had a meltdown for an hour when access was cancelled, and the support from professionals, friends and Home For Good.” Amy concluded by sharing these ingredients that she valued during her fostering journey.

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