Amy’s online sharing at the fostering intro with Boys Town on 18 July 2020.
In her capacity as the Head of a legal department, Amy was not originally directly involved with fostering. Her first encounter with fostering was at a dinner where she had the opportunity to interact with foster parents. She saw a special needs child strapped into his wheelchair being fed lovingly by his foster parents. She was very moved by their actions. Another foster father told her that while his home was not big, “if you find room in your heart, you will find space to foster.” His words were seared into Amy's mind. The next year at the same event, she met an Indian foster father receiving a long service award. He had brought his biological daughter, and his Chinese foster son whom he had fostered for 19 years. The boy spoke fluent Tamil. The foster father was grieving over his wife's recent passing and this was the first time he had attended without her at his side. The boy recalled his late foster mother waiting up for him to come back home after his school activities (even when he was late) before having dinner with him There was so much love evident in that family, which impressed upon Amy greatly.
When Amy first raised the idea of fostering to her husband, Victor, he was not ready then. The couple do not have any children. But Amy knew that if God wanted them to foster, it would happen at the right time. In 2018, they were blessed with a beautiful new home, and she thought that they should use their home to bless others and in particular to receive a child in need of care and love into their home. She recalled what Vi had earlier said - that our home is our last sanctuary and that it isn’t always easy for a person to envisage having a stranger living in one’s home. Hence, fostering and biblical hospitality is really the last frontier of Christian ministry. Driving along the expressway in 2018 one day, Victor suddenly blurted out of the blue that if she wanted to foster, he would go along with it. However, being the rational and pragmatic person that he is, he mentioned that there were important things to put in place first – 1. Necessary help since they were both working with heavy responsibilities; 2. Necessary infrastructure such as window grilles, child’s safety gate etc. to ensure the safety of the child; and 3. The support from the extended family for the fostering.
The application process comprised a lengthy interview which was slightly intrusive, but the couple understood the need for it. After being approved, they underwent a training course at the Social Services Institute that spanned 5 Saturdays. She found the course informative and enjoyed meeting other foster parents. Immediately after they finished the last Saturday session, they were asked the following Monday whether they could take a relatively urgent placement, and that was how five-year-old Lily (not her real name) entered their lives.
From the start, Lily latched on to Amy as her attachment figure which was very tiring at times. Lily was wary and initially rejecting towards Victor, but he patiently persisted. One day, when he took Lily out to MacDonald’s and the park on his own while Amy was resting, it seemed like the ice was suddenly broken, and from then on, Lily accepted him as a father figure in her life. While she was lovable and had a high EQ, she had a habit of lying. Amy soon realised that Lily lied to avoid being punished and this gave her insight into how to gently assure and correct her. Lily also was unable to express herself adequately when she wanted something and initially had frequent tantrums. She was also a year behind her peers, and Amy had to find the right motivation in different ways to help her read and write. Praise the Lord, thanks to Amy's efforts, Lily has since caught up academically in P1 this year and is doing well in school. Amy found it immensely rewarding that the effort put in for Lily was all worthwhile!!! Lily was reunified with her grandmother earlier this year but Amy and Victor continue to keep in touch with her, occasionally inviting her over to visit.
Amy expressed gratitude for all the support that she had received. For example, Lily had emotional regulation issues, which Amy had no idea how to deal with. She sought professional help through the childcare and Lily was given the appropriate therapy. The foster care officers from Boys’ Town and the child protection officers came alongside her to work out issues together. HFG has also been very supportive and helpful throughout her fostering journey.
