Fostering Tea Session (Doris)
Doris has been fostering for 3+ years (since 2018). She has cared for 2 foster children and provided respite care for 2 children.
Doris first had a calling to help vulnerable children in 2013 when she came across information about fostering on her Church’s magazine. She was interested to find out more and attended an info-sharing session organised by MSF.. After the session, she shared the information with her husband but he expressed his concern about the timing as their children were still young. Nevertheless, fostering continued to remain at the back of Doris’s mind.
In 2018, Doris felt a very strong stirring in her heart. She experienced several signs from God that that she was going to work with children. Doris felt that God was telling her that she was ready to foster and was very convicted.
Doris broached the topic with her husband and was pleasantly surprised that he agreed and attended the fostering info-sharing session with her this time. After the session that night, Doris and her husband spoke to their 3 children and, amazingly, everyone readily agreed. Doris spoke about how it was truly God’s hand at work as she had spoken about fostering for many years but her family was not ready until that night. Doris was also amazed that she was also able to clear her medical screening for the foster parent application, as she had serious health issues.
Doris felt blessed to have her family standing by her decision but her fostering journey was not without its challenges. She struggled with self-doubts but continued to obey and trust God. She clung on the thought, “If fostering is God’s plan for me, He will enable and empower me.”
Doris’s first foster placement was a 8-year-old girl who had very low self-esteem and difficulty following through with instructions. It was also challenging to break her unhealthy behavioural habits. During the trying moments, Doris found herself doubting her decision to foster. She wondered why she put herself through with all the trouble and felt resentment toward the natural family who were relatively well-to-do, as they had more resources to care for the girl. Upon reflection, she realised that she had acted on her own values and that God was transforming her in this process. As she prayed and walked in obedience with God’s help, she learned to let go of her own values and expectations, and found herself coping better. She also learnt to depend on her cell group and the Home For Good-SG for advice and prayers.
Subsequently, Doris decided to take on another foster child. Even though the two foster children have very different personalities, they became good friends. Through the struggles and experiences in caring for two foster children, Doris felt God’s hand at work as she began to learn more about surrendering to God and how not to rely on herself or put too much expectation on herself. She felt the Lord do His work of sanctification in her and her knowledge of God also grew exponentially.
After 2 and a half years of caring for her first foster child, the child was reintegrated with her natural family. Unfortunately, 4 months later, the child was readmitted to the foster care system. She came back a very different girl and started to steal from Doris’s family. It was a difficult decision for Doris and her family as they were unable to cope with the child’s behaviours. Though there was intensive support from their social worker, they had to arrange for an alternative foster family to take over the care of the child. Doris also had to give up care of her second foster child due to health issues when Doris had to be hospitalised.
For a long while, she felt guilty and blamed herself for not being able to care for these foster children. Over time, in seeking the Lord, Doris began to understand that despite her best efforts, the outcome of fostering was in God’s hands. She understood that that her decisions were made in the best interest for the girls. Even though Doris is currently not fostering any children, she remains a befriender to both ex-foster children. She continues to stay in touch with them, and also brings them to church. Doris was also overjoyed when she saw improvements in her ex-foster children and that they were doing well in their new foster homes. She is also supporting other foster parents with respite care.
In conclusion, Doris shared that fostering is not easy, but it is be a rewarding journey which allows one to grow in Christ and become the person God wants him/her to be. Having the right mindset will also help foster parents persevere and cope with the challenges of fostering. It is also important to exercise good self-care and to seek support from the community.