Fostering Tea Session April 2023 (Alan & Eliz) - Caring for a Foster Child with Neurodiversity

 One Day At A Time – Eliz and Alan’s Journey of caring for a foster child with neurodiversity

 

How It Started

Eliz and Alan’s fostering journey started when Alan asked Eliz if she was keen to attend a fostering introduction session and she agreed without hesitating. Before they took the leap of faith, they were considering how their lifestyle would be changed with a foster child in the house. They had a carefree lifestyle and were able to have vacations during off-peak season. They were also concerned about whether they could manage the caregiving of their aged parents if they were also caring for a foster child. 

The couple did not have their own children, and Eliz felt that the marriage was incomplete without a child. Eliz waited for 16 years for God to answer her prayer and He called her to be a foster mother. 

Doubts to Reassurance 

After they were approved as foster parents, they received a call from MSF about caring for a premature baby, Eugene*. Eliz was quite hesitant about caring for Eugene due to the required additional care. In fact, after learning that Eugene was a premature baby, Eliz’s heart was very heavy, with so many thoughts coming to mind. She started to doubt whether they have made a wrong decision.  On that Sunday when she went to Church, the hymn “One Day At A Time” connected with her as she felt that God had reassured her that the Lord would help her and showher the way one day at a time. However, everything was proven right when Eliz and Alan first met Eugene - It was love at 1stsight. It was so unbelievable that Alan and Eugene looked so alike. And in about 3 days after they brought Eugene home, they finally saw him smile – a miracle which assured Eliz and Alan of their decision. When they brought him back to KKH to visit the nurses, they were surprised to see Eugene’s social skills improved. The differences reinforced Eliz and Alan’s belief that every child needs to be nurtured in a family setting.

 Loving a Child with Special Needs

The journey as a foster parent had not been easy. Eugene had to attend numerous medical appointments as he was diagnosed with Global Developmental Delay and later Autism Spectrum Development. At first, Eliz and Alan found it hard to accept his diagnosis. 

Eliz and Alan told themselves to love Eugene unconditionally and to continue to pray for miracles. Every day and night, they would tell Eugene that they love him. Eliz joined Choir Ministry and Eugene was so well-behaved that the congregation did not notice that Eliz was carrying Eugene in a baby carrier.  

Through their journey, Eliz and Alan are convicted that there is no need for any qualification for foster parents or befrienders to care for a foster child who is neurodiverse. What these children need are unconditional LOVE, PATIENCE and TIME.  Eliz and Alan have attended trainings on special needs and parenting, but they found themselves learning most from Eugene himself. He showed them how he could cope with his condition and how he could learn.  Having Eugene brought Eliz and Alan immense joy and they felt that they were blessed that God had handcrafted him and gifted him to the couple. 

One Day at A Time

Eugene is 7 years old now and Eliz and Alan are very proud of him. He is gradually meeting his milestones and is a lovable and sweet boy.  With God’s provision and guidance, Eliz and Alan met many friends and professionals who supported them along this journey, and found themselves overcoming the trials that come their way, One Day at A Time. 

However, Alan emphasizes the end of fostering is reintegration (to return to his biological family). While they have yet to experience the pain and loss of reintegration, Eliz always places herself in Eugene’s natural mother’s shoes, showing her empathy with small little details e.g. getting Alan to bring Eugene to natural mum to reduce any potential tension when a mother meets another mother. In some sense, this is a testament to the universal love that Eliz and Alan have for Eugene that goes far beyond blood ties. 

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