Fostering Tea Session July 2022 (Ping Loong and Donna)
HOW IT BEGAN...
Donna has always wanted to foster. However she always imagined it would happen after they had children of their own.
In 2019, Donna experienced a serious heart attack. She recalled different aspects of her life flashed through her mind as she was wheeled into the operating theatre.
“I might be seeing God soon. Can I say goodbye and leave in peace? My marriage... parents... have I done enough?” In the last few moments of consciousness, Donna realised that she had two regrets – not prioritising God and spending more time with Him, and not giving back to the community.
Thankfully Donna recovered and the near-death experience prompted her to look for opportunities to give back. However, she soon realised it was hard to find ways to help due to the restrictive safe distancing measures during the Covid period. It was then that Ping Loong started to talk about fostering and Donna recalled feeling excited as she was already keen to foster before marriage.
“I never thought about opening our home for a stranger, but God was slowly moving me to this place of surrender by sending people in my path connected to this mission.” Ping Loong shared.
His first encounter with the world of fostering was through a colleague’s sharing. His colleague shared that there were many children in need of a foster home and even challenged Ping Loong to consider.
Sometime later, Ping Loong reconnected with an old friend who was also a foster parent. He was further challenged about how fostering was an opportunity to show God’s love to those who needed it.
God was STEP BY STEP stirring his heart. What further moved Ping Loong to consider being a foster parent was the book “Better Than You Can Imagine”. The book described the author’s venture into being a foster parent after spotting an empty bucket on the beach and realizing that there was room in his family for a child to play with it. Ping Loong realised that God had blessed them with much and he too had room in his home and heart to care for a child.
He shared his thoughts with Donna and she was very excited.
However, the day before Ping Loong and Donna were about to send off their fostering application, Ping Loong shared that he suddenly had cold feet. He recalled praying to God and said to him that “if this is something you want us to do and a venture that you’re calling us, I’m going to believe that you are going to send someone to encourage me in this. I know am not ready but I am going to trust you in this final step.”
Amazingly, God answered his prayer. The next day Ping Loong received a message from his exstudent, who was bringing along another friend who had grown up in a family who fostered many children. With their encouragement, Ping Loong saw it as a “final confirmation” to take the next step.
FOSTERING JOURNEY
Ping Loong and Donna received their first placement in 2021. With affection, Ping Loong talked about their foster child, “M”, a 3-year-old boy, who “didn’t say a word” and was unfamiliar with many things that other children would.
Ping Loong discovered that “M” had never brushed his teeth before which resulted in stained teeth and ten cavities. He had no idea how to play with toys and didn’t cry. Previously, “M” had experienced homelessness and might have been stopped from making noise or expressing himself.
There were heartaches too. “To be honest, it was not easy. As a new dad, I imagined my child jumping into my arms when I came home from work. But, because my foster child didn’t have a father figure, it took him a while to embrace a father figure.” Recounting his early experience with “M”, Ping Loong shared that he felt rejected when “M” said “Go away Daddy” while reacting positively to Donna. Ping Loong reminded himself of God’s unconditional love for himself and tried not to take “M”’s reaction personally.
Ping Loong affectionately spoke about how he noticed that “M” has a great capacity to care for and love others when “M” chased after a younger boy who took off from the playground and held the boy’s hand to guide him back to safety.
“It is a big learning journey” Donna added. She shared that she took a break from work in the first three months of the placement in order to help “M” settle. It was a very challenging time with numerous dental visits and moments of helplessness when the child expressed his frustration through self-harm.
Donna found it useful to reach out to her foster care officer for help and to attend the parenting classes recommended by their foster care officer. These classes helped them understand “M”’s behaviour. Through the classes, she learned to empathise with “M” when he acted out.
One other challenge Donna faced in her fostering journey was managing her own and others’ parental expectations. She shared an example in which she allowed “M” to eat fried food – while other parents would frown at the unhealthy choice of diet. She came to learn to choose what is right for her circumstances and to let go of what others may feel. Providing fried food, something that “M” was used to, offered him comfort and in turn allowed Donna to build a connection with him. “This is a big challenge as some people may not be understanding and they will tell you what they think you should be doing,” she added.
Being foster parents has brought much joy to the couple too, especially when they witness “M” grow and build secure attachments with people.
“If he sees me dressing extra nice for the day he would tell me “Mummy you are so pretty!” and when he goes to the playground, he would pick up flowers from the ground and give them to me. There had also been instances where some mothers commented on how easily “M” made friends.” Donna shared with delight.
Photo taken by foster child "M"
ANY ADVICE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE CONSIDERING FOSTERING?
“Getting people around you onboard the cause and sharing the journey with you is important. We are still learning from other foster parents and having the support from the fostering community at Home For Good has been really valuable. We also found it really helpful to have our foster care officer walking alongside us. There are also many workshops available for foster parents that are so useful and free!”
Ping Loong concluded with a quote by CS Lewis.
