Everyday Fostering - Fork Sharing Breakthrough (Teh Hsin & Joyce)

 


“When you have 3 foster girls, they will naturally fight with each other from time to time for all sorts of things. We always try to teach them to value people over things. In order to help them feel safe, we assure them there is enough of everything and there is no reason to fight with each other for things that God has blessed us with.

Some nights back, we had one of these “tiffs”. Our 5 years old foster child, Dora saw her foster sister, Gina, use a fork she thought was hers. You could see the “temperature” shooting up as she burst out at Gina in a fit! Over time, we have that when such things happen, our calmness will also help her to regulate her emotions. We told her calmly, just like we did the many other times such a thing happened, “Dora, you shouldn’t have yelled at your foster sister over this fork. There are many other forks... “ Her 5 years old face scowled in defiance.

When TV time came, Gina happily watched her favourite shows while Dora has to lose her privilege as a consequence of her behaviour. She cried for quite some time and lamented much about not being able to watch TV. She kept saying how much she loved watching TV. We were concerned that there was little sign of remorse because her sadness seems exclusively on the loss of TV time. My wife and I wondered if she learned anything from our repeated attempts at teaching her.

The next night, after dinner, it was time for fruits again. This time our helper put Dora's "special" fork in her bowl. She immediately picked up the fork and told me she wanted to give it to her foster sister Gina. On her own accord, she handed her favourite fork to Gina with a big smile. It surprised me! I affirmed her for sharing!

This made me remember that fostering is often an up and down journey. It’s moments like these that we pause and celebrate little wins. It may seem that many things go in one ear and out the other but our foster children DO learn! These are the little milestones that give us hope and energy to keep plowing forward. It's a good reminder to us that God is the one who changes hearts when we least expect it.” 

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