Fostering Intro Session (Ps Too & Joyce)
From fostering intro session with The Salvation Army Singapore on 26 June 2021.
Ps Too & Joyce have been foster parents for over 7 yrs & hv fostered 5 kids. They r currently fostering 3 kids & hv 3 grown up children of their own. When their first foster child was 3 years old, they decided to take on a 9 year old foster child with special needs from a Children’s home nicknamed Cinderella.
Ps Too & Joyce shared that 2 yrs after taking care of Cinderella without too much trouble, she went home for extended home leave for 5 days with her natural family for the first time. She came back a very different girl. She started behaving aggressively, was easily triggered, had nightmares and would scream and tantrum. She also started acting violent towards herself and the family. Her behaviour became so erratic that the family struggled to cope. They even had the police show up because of all her constant screaming. Thankfully, MSF arranged for Cinderella to have bi-weekly counselling.
Pastor Too and Joyce also attended a series of trainings to help them cope, such as trauma-based care, positive parenting and how to care for kids with special needs. Joyce was especially grateful to have had the support of her church community and other foster parents from Home For Good - SG to help them through that dark and difficult period. It was months later that they found out that this girl was sexually abused during her extended home leave and eventually they were able to get more specialised help for Cinderella.
During these difficult times, Joyce shared how she felt helpless and almost wanted to throw in the towel. She thought the peace the family once had could be restored if they stopped fostering Cinderella. However, the couple did not give up and over time with prayer, better training, support and walking in obedience with God’s help, they learned to cope better. They began to understand that, as foster parents, they could not change Cinderella - only God could. Much as they loved her, God loved Cinderella infinitely more so they could trust Him to parent her. Learning these simple truths, they felt the pressure and burden of caring for Cinderella lifted from them. They began to see fostering as a direct mission from God. Regardless of how Cinderella acted, they were able to continue because it was a ministry. They began to adopt a more eternal mindset and focused more on teaching Cinderella about God and grace. With this new mindset and knowledge, they started working on building relationship with her and helping her heal, instead of focusing on behaviour modification.
Cinderella’s behaviour started changing over the months. She was more willing to trust and obey her foster parents. The fights and erratic behaviour also reduced significantly. Joyce was reminded that whatever she does is for God and not this child. That removed any unrealistic expectations from this child. Instead of providing correction, Joyce learned to show acceptance. Instead of frustration, she learned patience. Most importantly, she learned that no matter what the child says or does, God still loves her unconditionally as Joyce herself is loved unconditionally by God. While God was changing Cinderella, God was also sanctifying Joyce and Ps Too.
Fostering is truly a rewarding journey because, through their journey, they learnt to understand the heart of God. Now most days they spend time playing board games, laughing at one another's jokes, worshiping and praying together. Ps Too and Joyce learnt many lessons through fostering and now, seeing Cinderella grow and mature, they are very thankful they did not give up. Those dark nights were used by God to mold them into greater Christ-likeness. Although everyone is born of different parents, they have since become one big family.