Fostering Tea Session (Angeline Wee)
Angeline Wee shared her 1.5 year journey as a foster parent. It started with a seed planted > 10 years ago. when her sister-in-law provided temporary care for babies under Sanctuary House and she found herself going over to coo over the babies.
Fast forward years later, when her son was in P6, Angeline started to look for different areas of ministry. She considered mission trips, particularly those involving rescuing women and kids from sex trafficking. She heard of someone else fostering at that point. Curious, she enquired more about fostering and after an exchange of text messages, Angeline found herself scrolling through the fostering section of the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) website.
Mooting the idea to her husband, she was taken by complete surprise when he readily agreed without hesitation! And so, in a matter of 6 mths, they went from fact finding to caring for an 11 yo girl, albeit for only 5 days! By the next month, they had opened their home to Carl*, a 10 yo boy who is still with them. In between, they provided respite care for a cousin – also a foster carer – with a baby, for 8 mths till she turned 1.
In considering fostering, Angeline felt that perhaps the question isn’t so much about “why foster?” but “why not foster?” Their philosophy is that God has generously blessed them with enough; why hoard the blessings, because it is a blessing to give than to receive (Acts 20:35). The greatest commandments as spoken by Jesus in Matt 22:36-40 is to love God first, and then to “love your neighbour as yourself”. And when we welcome a stranger, clothe, feed and give them a drink, we are giving to Christ. We are the representation of Christ to the world.
It puzzled them to find that as a body of Christ, there were few Christians willing to step forward to offer a home to the homeless, as these children often are, when they have been removed from their own homes for whatever reasons. She wondered if Christians were so comfortable in their own lives or if we thought that giving financial aid was the only way to help the disadvantaged in society.
In fact, she received a rude slap to her own face when one evening at dinner, Carl asked her what the fruit on his plate was. Barely concealing her incredulity at the question, she exclaimed, "It's a grape!!" with “duh” expression. Almost immediately, she felt reproach at her own middle-class reaction and bias. Things she had taken for granted on a daily basis were considered luxury items to a segment of society. Carl had never seen grapes let alone tasted them!! He had only seen grapes in books and thought they were purple… not red like the ones on his plate. The only fruit he had eaten were apples and bananas!
This incident opened her eyes to the plight of children who did not choose to be in the situation that they were in – displaced, abused, neglected. They did not choose which home to be placed in, IF they were even able to find a foster home who would take them in! The reality is that there are MORE children who need homes than there are foster families in Singapore. Often, siblings are separated and education is disrupted.
It is understandable that we find it hard to open our house to strangers, and we often use “it’s not our calling” as the excuse. But Angeline challenged us to consider if it was really more about us counting our costs – of convenience and privacy – and not wanting to rock our comfortable boats. Whether the sea is calm or choppy, Jesus is always in the boat with us. And Jesus is always the calming presence; after all, he was sleeping in the storm! He often gently rebuked his disciples, “Oh, you of little faith!”. Whilst it is very human to draw up a list of pros and cons, we can analyse a scenario to death, only to freeze in fear! And so, sometimes we need to simply take that step of faith and walk on water, like Peter did. What if we start to drown and wonder if we have taken that step through the ‘wrong door’? Even going through wrong doors are learning journeys for greater spiritual growth, if we would only look beyond the situations and even ourselves, and look to Christ for the answers!
Angeline encouraged us to not consider negative scenarios of “difficult children” because God knows the best fit. And should the going get tough, perhaps it is not so much about the children but about our own selves. And therein lies the spiritual growth that we, as Christians, can develop as we provide comfort and healing for a hurting child.
Angeline realised, after a year of tussling with her own adult expectations – because we are adults and SHOULD know better, right? – and struggling with a souring relationship with Carl, that God is never late. Just the night before she was due to meet her foster care officer to discuss transferring Carl to another family, God did a turnaround in her heart. It wasn’t a huge eureka moment but a very quiet and gentle tug upon her heart, somewhat like a drop in the water that radiated out like ripples. The next day, with the wisdom of the Spirit, she worked out a compromise with Carl to resolve the challenges they were tussling with. 3 months on, all’s calm on the home front.
What exactly changed? God had reminded Angeline not to be fixated on Carl's issues, or to look at her own good but poorly executed intentions, but to simply look at Christ. And that imperceptible nudge she felt in her heart was the reality laid out in Romans 12:2, to be renewed in mind and transformed in heart. And that change did not come from human effort which had totally proven fruitless, but from simply asking our loving Father to change her heart. Not her foster child’s behaviour, but her heart. After all, how do we love, or like, someone who is not our flesh and blood, who comes with emotional baggage, and who turns our lives upside down? Only through God who is Love personified, who gave His only begotten Son to die for sinners such as us. The mere act of opening your home is love in action and we would be fulfilling the second greatest commandment to love our neighbour as ourselves.
Angeline also shared that it takes a village to raise a kid. Foster families require volunteers who can drive children for access visits, to and from school / therapy or doctor appointments; befrienders who can take a child out for a few hours to relieve the foster parent, or respite carers to take care of the child in their homes for a short period of time.
To close, she shared a verse from an old hymn JUST AS I AM, because it resonates with how most of us feel when asked to answer the call to look after the ‘fatherless’. In the midst of those fears and doubts, our answer to His call is to ‘come’ in obedience and trust Him to be in the boat with us..
JUST AS I AM, THOUGH TOSSED ABOUT
THROUGH MANY A CONFLICT, MANY A DOUBT
FIGHTINGS WITHIN, AND FEARS WITHOUT
O LAMB OF GOD, I COME I COME.
*Carl is not his real name