Fostering Tea Session (Edwin Lee)
Joint fostering tea session with Epworth Community Services / Epworth Foster Care on 27 April 2019.
So blessed by having a foster father (for a change) share at our fostering tea on sat!!
Edwin Lee started by sharing his Philosophy of Life which led to his wife and him fostering.
1) If God gives you a glimpse of something that might be on His Heart, check it out!
2) Live for the audience of ONE
3) Get your investment Time Horizon right. He cited Francis Chan's rope illustration that our life on earth is just a tiny fraction of eternal life. As such, we should prioritize working on what really matters for eternity.
Some years ago, a song his 2 kids used to listen to kept playing in his head. Called "Two Shirts", it comprised verses from Luke 3:11, Mark 9:35 & Matt 6:19-21 (if we have 2 shirts, we should give one away to the person with none) sung to a simple melody. This song gave him pause to consider if he was really making use of what he had been given.
With this seed planted in his heart by God, in 2014, he asked someone at a dinner what the person thought was the major social need in Singapore. "Fostering", he was told. Edwin was intrigued because he has never heard about fostering before. The very next day, he met a friend for lunch and asked her if she knew anything about fostering. This friend Grace turned out to be Vivienne Ng (co-founder of Home For Good - SG)'s ex-classmate and close friend. She sent him a copy of Vi's long lament on FB to the Christian community for not stepping up to the plate to meet this gap in providing care for ‘orphans' (includ. kids who need a temp family).
Taking this as an indication from God to investigate further, he invited Vi to share at his home, and asked his friends to come as well. After the sharing, Edwin's daughter who was then just 8, on her own initiative filled out one of the forms that Vi brought and declared to her parents that this was something they should do!! "A little child shall lead them" indeed!
Edwin and his wife Soo Han were convicted of the need to obey God in the urgent need to care for 'orphans'. So they started helping at Jennifer Heng's then-New Life Centre. They cared for a baby called L while L's mum went to work. After 2 years, L's mum found regular work and even volunteered to help other single mums in similar situations.
Encouraged by this, the couple applied to be MSF foster parents. In Dec 2017, the Lees took a step of faith to provide respite care for 10 year old M. They were later asked to take over the fostering of M. Having loved the experience of caring of baby L from birth, the family was unprepared for M's behaviour issues. Because of her history of abuse and neglect, M tended to dominate and bully younger kids, could not relate to her peers in school, and had no filter in her conversation with others, often blurting out hurtful or inappropriate comments.
Due to her past trauma and exposure, M was emotionally reactive, did not have needed boundaries and used inappropriate language. Edwin and Soo had to start from scratch to teach her how to socialise appropriately. The first six months were extremely tough. Edwin and Soo recognized the need to communicate as a family. Edwin also tried to spend individual time with his daughter, who was often the recipient of M's difficult behaviours.
As u can imagine, managing M's behaviour caused some division between the couple who, before this, had hardly ever quarreled. One complaint Soo frequently hurled at Edwin in frustration was that "We are not on the same page!" Soo often felt their parenting and tolerance limits were at different levels. Then one day, they chanced upon a blog by Jason Johnson (a Christian foster parent), who wrote about how he & his wife faced the very same issue. Johnson writes, "We may not be on the same page.... but we are on the same Book!" That was yet another affirmation to Edwin and Soo, so they kept pressing on.
Because the various members of the family were on "different pages", his daughter once even said, "Dad, u know that it's all of us against you, right?" Deeply troubled, Edwin went to Upper Pierce Reservoir to pray. As he was driving and listening to the song "How great is our God", Edwin broke down and cried his heart out because of the burden he was bearing. Then he felt God embracing him and realized that he did not need to bear the whole load. It was not up to him to solve every problem in his family. He could surrender all to God and entrust everything into His hands.
Since those difficult early days, M has improved and is now more aware of when she is inappropriate. She is able to take instruction and accept academic coaching from Edwin's daughter. M still has emotional issues and is attention seeking, something that will take time, love, trust, stability, wisdom and prayer to work through. This experience, although tough, has caused the family to grow and be stretched as they obey the Lord to open their home to strangers. It has also helped them recognise how much they need to depend on God, especially when they get to the end of themselves.