Fostering Tea Session (Jason & Irene Gwee)
Fostering tea session with Gracehaven Fostering on 8 June 2019.
The group was treated to an amazing story by Jason & Irene Gwee who are relatively new Christians, but whose journey in surrendering their lives and obeying God allowed them to experience Him fully. Doing good deeds to earn merit was deeply ingrained in Jason & Irene as part of the religion they grew up in, but God was to show them His grace in unexpected ways. After searching for “God” for many years, they came to know the Lord 5 yrs ago. The Gwees considered the biblical mandate of caring for “orphans and widows” as young Christians but were not sure if it was God’s calling for them.
The impossible passport: By faith, the Gwees booked a family holiday (including P) in Malaysia. But getting a passport for P proved impossible. P's mother had been uncontactable for 3 years. While an application could be made for an expired or lost passport, ICA informed the couple that this couldn’t be done in P’s case because her passport had not yet expired. It was not the passport but her natural mother that was lost! In the end, the Gwees could only pray and make an appeal to ICA with the support of MSF. Incredibly, the passport application was approved just in time! Another answer to prayer indeed.
A year later, they happened to walk straight into a fostering roadshow at a mall, so they dutifully filled out the application form but hesitated to submit it because life was chaotic then. Jason’s father had a history of Bipolar Disorder with frequent relapses (2-4x a yr) and his mother was a deeply embittered and angry woman after 40 yrs of providing care to her husband. How could they introduce a foster child into such an unpleasant environment? Family and friends agreed that the family had more on their plate than they could possibly handle!
However, as the couple prayed about it, they resolved to let God decide if they could actually be approved as foster parents. So they submitted the form, reasoning that they would never know God’s plan if they didn’t take the first step in faith. But Jason had another motive – as a young Christian, he wanted to challenge God to show Himself to be real in guiding and leading His children, as He had promised in the Bible.
While they were in the process of being assessed, a call came in from Home For Good (HFG-SG)’s groupchat to foster P, a 15- year-old girl. P had been in a children’s home for 3 years and had been praying for a foster family to take her. The Gwees volunteered, but a couple from P's church stepped forward to care for her. The door appeared closed. Unbeknownst to all, God was working behind the scenes to prepare the family for the beautiful outcome He would eventually bring about. The sequence of events that followed had the fingerprint of God all over.
1) A surprise baby & a better husband: A few days after being approved as foster parents, Irene found out that she was pregnant!!! Their only daughter was 10 years old then, and this was totally unexpected and another set-back to their fostering plans! In his usual pragmatic way, Jason thought that, with hard work and planning, they could hunker down and cope with fostering in their own strength, quite contrary to the biblical notion of surrendering. But Irene was very shaken, and not at all confident they could handle being new foster parents and being parents of a newborn baby at the same time – on top of all the fighting between Jason’s parents. This led to a serious heart-to-heart talk, which Jason acknowledged was the first time in their marriage that he, as a husband, really listened to his wife’s concerns and needs. After talking and praying, they agreed to wait upon the Lord rather than to run ahead. Through this communication and unexpected sensitivity on Jason’s part, the couple felt God strengthen and transform their marriage in preparation for fostering....
2) The angry mother: During this waiting period, God was working on Jason’s mother. The couple recognised that it was beyond their ability to change Jason’s mother after her years of bitterness, and they could only pray for God to move in her heart. In answer to their daughter’s prayer for a dog, God blessed the family with a puppy (a gift from Jason's friend). God used the puppy to soften Jason’s mother’s heart, and their birth of her grandson served to further melt her heart. With this came a miraculous transformation in Jason’s mother! Where previously there was unhappiness, anger and shouting at home, this was now replaced with smiles, laughter and genuine joy all around. PTL! All because of the addition of a puppy and a grandson!! And all in preparation for a foster kid who had not yet arrived on the scene…..
3) Another new baby: After the arrival of their baby boy, the couple considered fostering older children instead. Jason and Irene continued to attend foster parent training, but started taking modules on caring for older children, which they realized was tougher. Then they found that Irene was pregnant yet again!! Surprisingly, this time Irene felt ready to foster – despite being pregnant, caring for a young baby and having a daughter going through PSLE that year....
4) Finally, a match: It turned out that P’s placement with her previous foster family didn’t work out. As she had been praying for a family for years, P was naturally very disappointed. What P didn't know was that God had been preparing the Gwees for her in the meantime. The Gwee family was asked again to consider taking P in, and they did so without hesitation. And it was a perfect fit!!
5) Positive changes to family life: Prior to having a foster child, each family member used to grab their dinner and sit separately in front of their own TV. After P came, they started having family dinners together where they would talk about God’s providence and blessings. Now they spend much more time together as the family (albeit less TV time!). What a change!
6) A friend for their daughter: P shared a bedroom with the couple's daughter who was then 12 years old. Being close in age, P was a wonderful companion to her and would make her laugh in a way they as parents could not have achieved. Being extremely conscientious in her studies, P turned out to be a great influence on their daughter who was rather playful and inattentive. P would study diligently for hours such that their own daughter, who was inspired with her example, put more effort into her studies and ended up doing very well in her PSLE! And all this while living with a mentally unwell grandpa, 2 new baby brothers and a new foster sis!! PTL!
7) An unknowing dentist: P was initially quiet and inhibited, and unsure about how to address them (whether to call them auntie and uncle etc). When they took P to her regular dentist who had treated her for many years while she was in the children’s home, the dentist who was a Christian casually asked if Irene and Jason were her new mommy and daddy. This broke the ice and paved the way for a conversation the Gwees had about how P would like to address them. P chose to call them mommy and daddy, and has done so from then on!
9) The devastating crisis: However, just before their holiday, Jason’s father was hospitalized with pneumonia. He died while the Gwees were away and they had to rush back. Although his father had come to know the Lord (despite being mentally unwell and incoherent, he was nevertheless unwavering in his decision to follow Christ), his death still came as a terrible blow to Jason. He questioned why God had allowed this to happen after answering their prayer about passport issue so miraculously. Nevertheless, in the end, Jason acknowledged God’s sovereignty over everything even though he did not understand. The next day, God renewed his spirit and gave him the passion to share Christ with all his relatives and friends at his father’s funeral.
Reflections : Through this journey to fostering, God has become so personal and so real to Jason and Irene. Scriptures have come alive! The Gwees learnt from the bible that all God’s commandments can be reduced into just 2 – “Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength” and “Love your neighbour as yourself”. According to Jason, asking “Who is my neighbour?” is the wrong question. We should be asking God “Who do you want me to be a neighbour to?”. And loving a neighbour is more than just a feeling, it is an act of the will and commandment by God to be followed. It is “love in action”, and not “love inaction”.
Fostering is about putting our love for God and our neighbour into action - it is in about obeying God first, then God giving you the joy and “loving” feelings afterwards. Jason shared that he learned that it is not about doing things for God (God doesn’t need us to achieve His plans) as he used to think, but it is about obeying and surrendering our will to follow and know Jesus. To obey is better than sacrifice. Amen to that.