Fostering Tea Session (Kian Yong & Yan Shan)


Joint intro session with Epworth Foster Care on 16 Feb 2019.

Seow Kian Yong (SKY) and Yan Shan have no children and initially considered adoption. However, they had some apprehensions and later explored fostering. They took in their first foster child 3 years ago. Dan (not his real name) was in P4. At first SKY & Yan Shan didn’t want to foster him, given his behavioral issues. However, that Sunday Service, the message was focused on love and the couple changed their mind and decided to give it a go.
Dan had been staying in KK hospital (KKH) for a few weeks due to his family situation. When Sky and Yan shan went to KKH to pick him up, he cried, threatened to run away, threw a fit and insisted on staying at KKH. It took the Child Protection Officer (CPO) some time to calm him down. They later found out that Dan thought he was being adopted and would never be able to see his family again. Eventually, he followed SKY & Yan Shan home.
It turned out to be a very challenging first experience of fostering. While Dan was outgoing and friendly, he also had a lot of trauma and anger issues. Because he was performing very badly at school, the couple tried to get him to work on his studies – which backfired as Dan was adverse to studying. Studying triggered him as he was previously abused in his natural family due to it. He would have fits of anger and even once lost control and pushed a table in anger.
Dan stayed with them for 9 months. The couple did their best to hold on to Dan, knowing that breaking care will retraumatise him even more. Dan however felt he could not stay and requested for a change in foster parents. The couple struggled through various emotions in the aftermath of their first fostering experience. They even wondered if they were suitable for fostering.
After about a year's break, they received a call and were asked if they could try again with Tom (not his real name), a 10-year-old boy with special needs. SKY and Yan Shan initially felt frightened of taking in a child who needed daily medication for ADHD and ODD. They were reassured once they got to know and connect with Tom more, and Tom will be able to settle well.
The couple have had to frequently help Tom to learn the right behaviours as he often lacks the ability to process and control his speech and actions. They repeatedly assured Tom of their love. They connect with the Tom by spending time with him, bringing him to soccer and other activities.
Sky and Yan Shan had a good support network! Their social worker (Mika of Epworth Foster Care), whom they update regularly, has been consistently giving wonderful support. The couple also have great support from their immediate family members and Tom brings joy to the wider family. Other Home For Good (HFG) members like Lee Hwa (also at the tea session) help out by providing respite care when needed.
Tom has now been with them for almost 2 years. Last year, he was given the MOE Good Progress Award at school to acknowledge his improvement in character and studies.
Chin Hong from Epworth Community Services shared about how those who have the heart for these kids are able to sign up. It was an engaging and encouraging time for all the like-minded and big-hearted attendees who just want to give love to children in this broken world.

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