Fostering Tea Session (Kuan Ying and Colin) - The Unexpected Journey
Sharing at the Sept 2021 intro tea with Boys' Town Fostering Services. Kuan Ying and Colin likened their journey to “The Unexpected Journey” of The Hobbit!
AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY
Colin and Kuan Ying are ex-civil servants. They have two adult children. Kuan Ying once attended an MSF Volunteer Event. She was very moved to see a teenager in a wheelchair on stage thanking his foster parents wholeheartedly for looking after him since he was a little child. That helped her see the immense impact of fostering on vulnerable children and seeded a desire in her to foster children with special needs.
Amazingly, her children were supportive about it. Colin, her husband, without hesitation readily agreed. As part of MSF’s application process to become foster parents, they had to go through a gruelling interview with the assessors. The whole process was completed within 3 months. Training followed soon after to equip them for fostering children.
Their first placement was supposed to have been a little boy with special needs in March 2021. After a few months of preparation, this didn’t come through. Colin and Kuan Ying were very disappointed but finally came to terms with the fact that surprises and disappointments do happen in fostering.
God had other plans for them. A week later, however, MSF asked if they could provide respite for 2 brothers, Don and Ethan, aged 11 and 14 for one month. That was a far cry from the little boy that they had expected. They were not at all prepared to foster one, let alone two older boys. Nonetheless, they thought they will try their best since it was expected to be for only one month.
When Don and Ethan arrived, their faces showed their fear, worry and anxiety. Believe it or not, Kuan Ying and Colin felt apprehensive too but seeing the boys’ worry, they found the strength to put up a welcoming face! Over the days, Don and Ethan warmed up and the relationship with Kuan Ying and Colin grew.
Some friends thought that they were very brave to look after two foster children for their first placement and it was indeed not easy. Sibling placements are often done to keep the family together as much as possible. Kuan Ying shared that despite the challenges, there were real advantages. Don and Ethan kept each other company and supported each other emotionally. They became closer, and chatted more with each other. Of course, the boys being boys get into their regular fights, and Kuan YIng and Colin had to jump in to mediate. With her own children already adults, Kuan Ying had to adjust to school needs and deal with schoolwork and engaging teachers frequently.
Life was not at all smooth. Kuan Ying and Colin had to deal with Don and Ethan’s phone addictions, hygiene issues, lack of motivation to study and a recent diagnosis of dyslexia for Don and safe cycling rules for Ethan who had a passion for cycling. Tapping on their foster care officer’s help, they managed to get the boys to sign behavioural contracts. Kuan Ying also learnt to adjust and be more accommodating and patient. Don and Ethan started to improve!
Despite the ups and downs, Don and Ethan brought a special joy to Kuan Ying and Colin. Somehow, seeing them grow and be healthy, clean and happy brought a deep sense of satisfaction that the boys were being provided a warm conducive place to call home.
Kuan Ying emphasised that as foster parents, how important it was to have fellow sojourners to walk with them and cheer them on when they were weary. These included the Home for Good Support Network, their family, friends, church family, the boy’s teachers, and MSF. Their son was a great help too. She was particularly encouraged by Ethan’s Form Teacher who texted her the following - “Just want to say thank you for caring for the boys. Sometimes, he may not know how to express himself but I could see that he feels blessed and happy to stay with you and your husband...”
• Be Realistic: Manage your expectations. Know what you can do within your sphere of influence, and your own capacity.
• Outcome: The outcome is not ours. We leave it in God’s hands.
• Connect with other FPs for support. Do not walk alone.
• Be Kind not only to your foster kids, but to yourself as well. Look after yourself, so you can look after others.
Colin and Kuan Ying placed their faith and hope in God, and hold on to the belief that the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few, and that every child deserves a family home to grow up in.